" There is no need for junk drawers."- Grandma Jean (2015)
2 years ago I wrote I blog post about the start of a minimalistic journey I was headed into. Gosh, when I think back on 2 years I see how much growth and change I had endured. I see how far I've come and I say "endured" because it wasn't easy. The last 2 years I was in a major storm. In the midst of the storm I was also being pruned and re-planted.
My storm makes me think of the scene from the movie "The Shack". There were weeds growing in the beautiful garden (the garden represented the main character) and they had to cut them off, dig up the dirt and plant the new seeds. I related to this scene so much. Then at the end his tears were what watered his new growth.
John 15:2- "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit.
"Psalm 56:8 New Living Translation (NLT)
8 You keep track of all my sorrows.[a]
You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book."
The Lord put weight on my shoulders and it brought me to my knees. He removed so many things from life all at once and it hurt. At the time I didn't understand but He is a good Father and as always saw beyond the storm I was in. The minimalistic part was not only earthly but spiritual/emotional as well.
I read a quote that said, "maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can become who you were meant to be in the first place."
It's not over yet
Starting from November thru this past June this storm got much worse but you know what they say , "it's the darkest just before the dawn". Thankfully I had a rock. My husband, to really walk with me from beginning to end of this whole thing. I'm not sure what I would do without him. He always "has me" when I feel I can't go on. This isn't bragging, it's stating the truth.
"Hold up, there you go again
Puttin' on that smile again
Even though I know you've had a bad day
Doin' this and doin' that
Always puttin' yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break
So fall, go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
I'll catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
I'm right here
Baby, fall"-Clay Walker
I can look back now over the 2 years and see the immense beauty in those ashes. The small space He grew me in for 2 years was the stepping stone for next chapter in my life. The small place I turned into my war room where I wrestled many times with Him, where I was angry, where I cried and where I even praised Him when I didn't understand. My relationship deepened with Him like never before. I learned to trust Him like never before.
I have to admit it's bittersweet. As we enter a new season that we are excited for I'm also beyond thankful for the one I'm coming out of. I'm so thankful for the pruning process. I wouldn't change a thing. The quality I have now is better. There are still unanswered questions of course and things I will probably never fully understand until I reach heaven but until then I will continue to walk with my Father and trust His calling for my life. He continues to amaze me and has never left my side. He gets me through this world and the more my heart is set on heaven the more I realize how fleeting each day is. Someone from my church told me "Your either going into a storm, in the middle of a storm, or coming out of a storm." and that has stuck with me.
These last 2 years I also learned what the weight of unforgiveness was. I know most people will say forgiveness is an action not a feeling but I beg to differ. I believe it's both. I felt the walls I had baracated around my heart literally fall off one night because before that I thought I had forgiven. It wasn't until my husband told me gently as we were walking back to our truck from the dreaded hospital, "your still holding a grudge".
In denial I was then put into a position literally right away that broke me. The situation I was put in broke my heart that particular night (I laid in bed for a full day feeling traumatized but I also allowed this time for God to work on my heart and that He did.) Compassion flooded my heart like never before. It was nothing I had ever experienced in my entire life. I genuinely saw the situation through His eyes and the weight left me that night. Let me tell you it's not worth it to be bitter. In my case, I really thought I had forgiven but deep down I was still hurt and didn't want to let go of it. Trust me It's something way to heavy to carry around and you have the capability through God's strength to forgive. Some may say it was a small thing but I do know my Father cares about every little detail concerning me.
I felt free.
I knew then I had truly forgiven.
Am I finished yet? Of course not. He is still working in my life everyday. Even on the days I mess up and need major grace. I'm human. We're all human.
"Yes, I love Jesus but I do cuss a little".-admititly me
Why do I share something so personal because I hope to encourage someone out there.
"There is purpose in your pain"
Keep hanging on and trust Him even when it's hard. I personally know how hard it is to lift my hands in the middle of a storm but doing so changed me. This world is fading fast. Keep your eyes on the prize <3
So here is my minimalistic journey. I look back in awe as new changes are coming. Grateful, thankful. The Lord always knows what's best for us. Like the quote at the top says, "there is no need junk drawers". What "junk" might you be holding onto?
"When you let go, you grow".