It doesn’t seem that long ago that I was standing in this exact spot giving a eulogy for my grandfather who passed when I was 16. They say that when 1 spouse passes typically the other can pass not too long after. My grandma’s love was just as strong for her family as it was my grandpa.
To start from the beginning, my grandma told me that she told my dad right before he passed that she promised to make sure I was taken care of and that she did. I don’t think I will ever be able to adequately put into words what she meant to me. She was always there for me, advocated for me and stood in the gap for me. When Brian and I were dating I took him to meet her first before my own mom.
She truly was the most selfless person I have ever met. She always wanted help in some way and always made sure everyone had eaten ;)
She was the absolute best at organizing things. I’ll never forget her staying the night one weekend and she woke up around 5 am and cleaned and organized my pantry. Or the time’s she willingly cleaned out my oven and would bring me specific cleaning products and sponges that worked best. She would always do my laundry whenever she came over without me asking her too. She always made sure I was always stocked up on band-aids for me and the girls. I cant forget the socks and the hangers too. She always thought of the little details.
Growing up even through adulthood she was very present and hands on. We would make pouting dolls together, angels made from pots, and she loved to make her famous homemade cookies with me. Her and my grandpa always took me camping with them and I will never forget her waking up at 4 am and soon after I would wake up to the smell of coffee and raisin toast. Her, my grandpa and I would sit at the kitchen table and watch the deer eat corn we had laid out.
I’m so lucky that she was here for so many of life’s milestone’s. All through my childhood, my graduation, getting married, my kids and she was even in the room holding my hand when I delivered Makailyn Jean (who is named after her) She was even there last year when I re-dedicated my life and got re-baptized. It was so special having her get to see it!
She also got to be there for so many milestones with my babies. She was at every event, birthday party, performance and anything that involved them. She baked with them, would do fancy dinners by candle light and used her fancy dishes. She would even save magazines and cut out pictures with the girls to play with. She always made sure their little play bin in her closet was full and up to date as they got older.
My grandma was very frugal so it gave her so much joy to find my girls dresses from thrift town for just $2. She was always so excited about that! We can’t forget Ross, Wal-Mart and the flea market either! Those were her favorites.
She always made sure that I had enough cooking utensils and especially towels.
Her and I were always close but the last two years brought us closer because of what we experienced with my mom. I can’t imagine her not being here for some of those hardships. We truly leaned on each other during such a hard transition with her.
My grandma and I couldn’t have been any more different, sometimes we argued like sisters. She was neat and organized and well….. I’m not.
She loved me unconditionally though. I remember when she was doing rehab after her surgery the nurses would tell me, “She’s different when your here”. her face just lights up!” I felt the same about her. She has taught me so much life and how to be the best mom and wife I can be.
I hate to break it to you but I’m not perfect. Shocker, I know ;) Im a very passionate person and sometimes that can come across the wrong way but I promise I always have the best of intentions and always mean well. My grandma was never afraid to put my in my place but she was always so loving about it. My grandma would always tell me to forgive and don’t hold a grudge, even these last couple of years. Especially with my mom. Her and I went into the trenches together and she got to see God change my heart.
I’ve seen God do so much in her. It’s been amazingly beautiful to see firsthand the transformations He’s done with her since I was little. We’ve had many talks about it.
She had told me when things started changing with her health that she was ready to go to heaven. She said I lived such a good life.
I remember crying and saying but how am I going to be able to live without you? She said, You will. You can do it.
As the weeks passed on and she really started change… I randomly hit a button in the truck when changing the station. I had a cd in there that I had forgotten about from Chris Clarney. I got this CD years ago. The song I kept playing over and over was called “All Consuming Fire”. It broke me every time. So I played it for her the last few weeks.
On September 19th when I was driving up to Plugerville with my bags packed because I knew it was close I continued to have this song on repeat.
It was such a long hard night. The nurses kept saying she is so strong. That she is! She has been through so much in her life and truly does have a strong heart! Even passed doctors called her the bionic woman because of everything she had survived!
The morning came and one of my Uncles had to leave to get his heart medication. I immediately saw a change in her so I grabbed my blanket and went to lay in bed with her. My other Uncle was in and out of the room. Her breathing got more shallow and I felt for some reason there was still something lingering. I had already said all my peace with her weeks before but something was still nudging my heart. Then it hit me. She never got to say goodbye to my mom. When my Uncle wasn’t in the room, I pretended to be my mom. I said, “Hi mom, its Debbie”. and spoke to her what I think my mom would have wanted to say in that moment.
He walked back in and looking out the window I said, is it about to rain? the clouds look dark. A few minuets later I look out the window because through the tree was a small break in the clouds and the sun came through a small circle and it illuminated her face so perfectly. I stared ta it for a moment wondering. I wish I could adequately explain how cool the light shinning was. The clouds covered it and then it came back again, after about the 3rd time my uncle closed the blinds thinking the sun was too much on her face, but even with the blinds closed I could still see the shadow of the clouds moving and the sun peeking through the blinds still illuminating her face! At that point I knew……I said, Grandma heaven is here! Jesus is ready! Run! Run grandma! Go, go to Jesus! Right after I said that, She peacefully went.
I walked outside and literally fell on my knees listening to “All consuming Fire”. I walked back in and heard praise music in the lobby and what looked like a small choir had come. I knew at that point God had a plan all along with her journey the last few weeks and her being placed there.
She is now made whole. She gets it now. She is home and I will see her again.
My heart hurts being on this side of heaven but I’m so lucky to have had 34 wonderful years with her.
I read something the other day that said, Why is death so hard for us to accept? Because dying was not apart of God’s original purpose for us. God put time indefinite in our hearts. We were made to live forever, but because of Adam and Eve’s disobedience death was introduced. However, Jesus’ sacrifice gives us back the hope of everlasting life! Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, “He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
She loved her family so much and although was have temporary lost such an amazing woman we have hope!
Regarding the new heaven and new earth in Revelation 21 says. “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and He will dwell with them. They will be His people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
On my way home that day, so beyond exhausted and ready to get home and I couldn’t without seeing my mom. I walked into her room and broke immediately! I put my arms around her and told her what had just happened. Rarely does she engage in someone’s eyes now but she did that day. She laughed, got teary eyed and laughed again. I know without a shadow of a doubt Jesus was with me in that moment and how profound to see her reaction! When I said her mom went to heaven, she laughed! and it makes me smile because my grandma didn’t die, her earthly body went to sleep but she’s alive! She’s rejoicing with Jesus right now and that’s something to celebrate!
One of my favorite verses from the song “resurrecting” says “The tomb where the soldiers watched in vain, was borrowed for 3 days. His body there would not remain. Our God has robbed the grave, our God has robbed the grave.! The resurrected King is resurrecting me.”